Be Present.

We have lost our connection with reality because of technology.

I attended an assembly at my daughter’s school today in honor of 9/11. There were parents elbowing their way to the front to get pictures of their adorable children singing the patriotic songs they have been practicing for weeks. I chose to stand in the back and get elbowed, with my phone turned off in my purse, in order to actually watch my adorable child singing patriotic songs she has been practicing for weeks. And wave at her so she knew I was there and watching.

We have lost sight as a society of what is truly important in our lives. We can sit by and say we’re grateful, but we need to take more than 30 seconds of silence to remember those who have given their lives for ours. Put your phone away for 28 minutes and practice gratitude.

It is the same at sporting events and concerts. Everyone is so concerned about taking photos and videos that they, quite frankly, ruin it for those of us who would like to actually watch and enjoy what is right there in front of them.

I am ridiculed by many for the fact that I lose track of my phone regularly. I don’t do it on purpose, but I am not a dog on a technology leash.

We are not present if we are watching/living through our phones.

You do you and I’ll do me. I am simply suggesting that you put down your phone and enjoy the life right in front of you…every once in a while. It is liberating.

Thousands died on this day 16 years ago. Millions are suffering right now through hurricanes and earthquakes. So put down your fucking phone and hug someone you love. Because you just never know when you might miss the chance to be present.

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Long road…

hadleyI am trying to find words tonight for how happy I am, but find myself nearly speechless…nearly…well, not really.

I officially bought a house today and until I got the keys and a giant pool floaty and champagne, it was totally surreal.

It has been a long road to this day. Those of you who have known me for a while know that my divorce and moving 3 times in 5 years nearly destroyed me.

An amazing friend suggested today that I get a custom door-bell that plays “My House”…and I think shit is going to get real and that is gonna happen. Because why the hell not?!!! Life is short and I think for a time, I lost both my perspective and my sense of humor. Rest assured. I have recovered both. (And I still have the amazing, kind, gorgeous boyfriend. Please don’t ask him to have his head examined).

Here is what I know: keep moving forward. It’s never too much, even when you think you can’t take anymore. Trust me; you can. Never give up.

Ok. Yea. Too far. Sounds like a cat poster.

 

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I wish…

IMG_6557It is days shy of 4 years since my Monkey was diagnosed Type 1 diabetic. Most days, I feel like I have a handle on things.

And then there are nights like tonight when she goes from perfectly normal blood sugar to nearly comatose inside of 30 minutes and I wonder if it will ever be okay.

I wonder if she can have a “normal” childhood. I wonder if I can be a “normal” parent . I wonder if I can have a “normal” relationship, since someone now actually loves me.

I am currently pissed off at every commercial I see as I watch late-night HGTV. I wish all I had to worry about is which washer/dryer combo to choose. I wish I had time to shop online. I wish I had time to be concerned about which travel site to choose. I wish I had time to play (stupid) online games.

I wish. And I wonder…will I ever sleep again?

More than anything, I wish I could take this disease away from my wonderful, amazing girl, who doesn’t deserve a hardship of any kind.

I wish.

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Parenting v3

For what it’s worth, I have been trying to turn over a new leaf…a kinder, gentler Shawn, if you will.

And then there are days like today…and the bitch is back.

Why is it frowned upon to call someone fat, but it’s ok to call someone skinny? Apparently, I am the skinny red-head with the hot boyfriend at school (to my credit, the hot boyfriend part is true). Oh and I’m the one with the kid with “the disease”. Say that to my face. I dare you.

Words are weapons and we should think before we speak, even when you think no one is listening. I am skinny. I have red hair. My daughter has Type 1 Diabetes, but it sure as hell isn’t life-threatening because it’s managed (perhaps you should do some research). It’s not contagious. Regardless how rude you or your kids are, they won’t catch it, rest assured.

My message is this: please consider that everyone is fighting. I have chosen to make my struggle public as I blog about it, but before you speak, consider that there are parents fighting private wars every day that we can’t even imagine.

We are sleep-deprived, we are scared, we are lonely, but we should be in it together, right? We’re all fighting battles of our own kind and there is absolutely no sense in beating each other down in any way.

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Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day

I send this out to all moms, but especially the single ones. I never intended to be one, but I embrace it. Even on the really bad days when she (already) doesn’t like me…seriously, isn’t that supposed to happen when she’s a teenager?! I make her do homework. I make her clean her room. I make her go grocery shopping with me. I put her in time-out when she doesn’t do these things. Clearly, I am horrible.

I overcompensate for a mostly-absent father and, as such, I probably spoil her. I work too much. I travel a lot for work. I blame myself for failing to keep together a “normal” family, so we have a lot of play dates and weekend trips and concerts and activities. And, and, and.

And the truth is, I am grateful even when I’m frustrated. I wonder how my mom did it with no money and no time. I wonder how much I’m failing. I wonder how much I’m going to have to spend on therapy. I wonder why I continue to try to be perfect.

The only thing of which I am certain is that every day for me is Mother’s Day.

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Holy Shit…40 is looming…

I am 21 days from turning 40. According to my mom, I’m already 40 because I was due April 12. Mom, I love you, but, no. NO!

Shit just got real. I don’t know much, but here is what I know:

  1. Botox is awesome.
  2. I’ve heard that there is a comfort in aging gracefully. I have realized that I will not be doing that (see above).
  3. I’ve just realized that I will soon have to update my blog description…because I will no longer be a “30-something”. FUCK!!!
  4. I have a really cool kid. Despite the fact that she now goes running through stores, laughing hysterically, skipping and singing a song she has written called “my mom is gonna be 40” FUCK!!!.
  5. I have amazing friends. You have tolerated my shit for years…what is wrong with you?!
  6. I might be old, but apparently I can still balance a beer on my head. I’m honestly not sure if this is something I should be proud of…

shawn beerMost importantly…just when you think you’ll never find love, it finds you. In my case, in a parking lot.
And he still loves me after spending a week with me in Costa Rica getting to know my friends and seeing me at my best/worst. Sometimes, life throws you the most wonderful surprises when you are the least prepared.

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Single Parenting Ain’t Easy

It’s Saturday night and I want to go to bed at 8:30…and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

It’s Spring Break, and I have been in yoga pants for three days (yes, the same pair).

I do my daughter’s laundry, but can’t be bothered to do my own (see above). Instead, I go to Target once a week and buy new underwear.

Said laundry has been in the dryer for 3 days. It counts because it’s clean, it doesn’t need to be folded, right?!

I have four cats…don’t judge.

My cleaning ladies yelled at me because the house wasn’t clean enough to clean.

And yet, instead of working either of my two jobs on a Saturday, doing laundry or cleaning house, I chose to take my amazing daughter to a movie and for a mani/pedi. Because life is short, and, apparently, I’m becoming soft. Don’t judge.

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